Breaking Through

I am standing at the edge of a cliff, staring into the abyss. This side is a barren wasteland with a diminishing sense of comfort, a comfort induced by the perceived safety of the familiar. I can’t see what is on the other side, but I know it has to be better than where I am standing. If it is even a fraction of what I think it could be it will be more than enough for me. I’ve been here before, but somehow it doesn’t seem familiar. The circumstances were different last time, the stakes were higher, the cost was even more personal. Yet somehow I made it across last time, that gives me some hope that I can do it again.

Breaking Through-1It has been nearly 7 years since we buried our little boy, his name was Sam. I can’t believe it has been that long already. He was only an infant, a child we barely got to know. Yet letting go was extremely painful, not because of the memories we had generated but because we had to let go of what could have been. All the stuff that you dream up and attach your hopes and expectations to. A lesser person would have just folded after that. Bound to a life wallowing in despair and depression. To my surprise I wasn’t one of those people. Perhaps it is true that adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it.

If that is true then some adversity should be celebrated – much easier to do after the fact, in my experience. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without that loss. Not only did I lose someone, but I lost a lot of myself. I have come to realize and appreciate that what I lost I didn’t actually need, however, it was the beginning of the process of shedding life’s baggage. I was forced just to put down all the physical, emotional, and material baggage that I have picked up, or had been placed on my by others in the course of my life. Freed from the worry about what other people think, or what the world wants me to do, I made changes. I decided to follow my dreams, instead of what seemed safe. I decided that today was where my focus needs to be, not yesterday or tomorrow. I owe it all to Sam, all 2 1/2 pounds of him.

Yet here I am again, standing at my end, needing to find a way to break through. I choose to believe that there is something better, more fulfilling on the other side. This time is different. This time it is only about Photography. Don’t get me wrong here, photography is very important to me. I am every bit the tortured artist, with a drive that I can barely contain or even understand at times. While the world seems like this beautiful palette of texture and pattern and colours, and then sometimes it just all goes dark. It is in the darkness that character is revealed.

Breaking Through-2I need to find my way to break through. This side is filled with frustration and disappointment. With websites and portfolios that do little to speak to one’s vision or talent. With copy that does little to express the passion, creativity and purpose that I know is there. I’ve been here before, but last time it was different. Last time I found my way. Last time the stakes were higher. I can do this, no strike that, I will do this.

Comments

  1. that’s beautiful Darryl, I can relate to your pain. I too found a goal was my savior. it was about self preservation mainly…and because I had no choice…and so true about time…it is only thing that can give you clarity.

    best to you and your family, and your photos are beautiful!
    Michelle

  2. Darryl, there are no words for what you and Jodi went through when you lost your little boy but I do believe these are the things that make us stronger and shape us into who we are. They give us strength to go forward and live life to the fullest. Having a career in photography, you need all the strength you can get!

  3. Darryl, thank you for sharing your heart and yes I do believe struggles that we all go through our pathway of life shapes our character, and bring us closer to our creator and savior. We all do make plans for our future, and people have expectations from us, but is it really what we meant to be?? We are all here in this earth for a reason. Your website is so beautiful, inspiring and full of emotion, textures, colour, light, and natural beauty. all the best to you and your family.

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